True Blood: Respect my Authoritaa!

True Blood recap time

True Blood Season 5 kicked off this Sunday, and with it we saw a return to the series’ roots as a vampire show.  This season, from what my sources tell me, is going to place a greater emphasis on the vampires, especially the Authority, but the other characters are still going to have their stories to tell.  If the second season was the season of the Maenad, then season 3 was the werewolf, 4 was the witch, my friend and I were discussing what season 5 was going to be all about.  I half-jokingly, perhaps prematurely, suggested it should be called the season of the circus, and so far, that seems pretty accurate.  Trying to do a traditional recap in the order that the episode happened would be rather difficult, especially since by now I probably wouldn’t be able to get all the important bits in the correct order anyway, so we’re going to follow the different story lines through a main character involved in it, and hopefully get all the little bits and pieces that way.

Sookie, Lafayette and Pam:

We start with Sookie where we last left her; sobbing over a broken Tara after she just finished shooting Debbie Pelt in the head.  Pam interrupts her by trying to find Eric so she can try to make amends for trying to blow up Sookie last season.  Sookie and Lala, clearly not in their best frame of mind, forget that Tara’s will included a “do not turn me into a vampire” clause, and beg for Pam to attempt to turn Tara to save her life.  Pam doesn’t want to do it, correctly pointing out that Tara is missing half her head, but she agrees on the condition that Sookie then uses her super snatch to repair her relationship with Eric.  I need to find a way to work super snatch into regular conversation.

While they wait to see what will happen to Tara, Sookie takes her yearly shower.  That was early this year, Sook.  Once Lafayette takes his salt and liquor bath, Alcide comes over to ask Sookie to move in with him.  Um, Alcide, this isn’t really the best time.  She just got finished cleaning your ex out of the calking.  Turns out, he’s worried that now that someone has released Russell, he’s afraid the former vampire king will come after Sookie.   Oh, and they also discovered Jesus’ body is missing, but since I have no idea where they’re going with that, if anywhere, I’m not to comment.

Once darkness falls, they wait for Pam and Tara.  Pam comes out first, Tara doesn’t emerge, Sookie uncovers her face and starts crying.  And then Tara pops out of the ground and starts aiming straight for Sookie’s throat in a very animalistic fashion.  Surprise!   Considering Tara was missing a small portion of her brain, it really shouldn’t be surprising to anyone that even as a vampire the corresponding cognitive functions are also missing.   They should have thought this plan through just a little bit more.

Sam:

Sam’s story was rather solitary in this episode, the lone wolf, if you will, since he didn’t cross over with any of the other major characters, except for Alcide, at the very end.  Any rate, the wolves have tracked him down, knowing their pack master disappeared shortly after Sam came looking for him.  Sam flies away, but the wolves track him to Luna’s house, where he agrees to go with the wolf pack as long as they didn’t hurt Luna or Emma.  They torture him, he refuses to let them know it was really Alcide who killed their packmaster, being an honorable man and that, but eventually leads them to Marcus’ body.  Luna brought Alcide along to save Sam, and after he admits he killed Marcus, some acknowledge him as their sexy new overlord, but others aren’t so quick, like Marcus’ former relatives.   They have their own way of showing their respect for the dead, and they make a happy meal out of their son.  Yummy!

Jason, Jessica:

I’m actually sick of Jason and Jessica already.  Either they decide to be a couple, or they don’t, but quit playing this game.  Jason’s story actually started promisingly enough, starting where we left off with a vampire Steve Newlin standing outside his door with “twin hard-ons” while a naked Jason tries to hide behind the door.  The good reverend manages to easily convince Jason that he doesn’t know how to glamor people, and Jason, being the trusting soul that he is, looks up at him and allows Steve to come inside his house.  Steve takes him over to a chair, puts tape over his mouth, covers him with a blanket, release him from his glamor and makes the strangest love confession I’ve ever heard on the show.  And probably the nicest, too.   See, he admits to Jason that he didn’t go on a homicidal rampage because he was mad that Jason slept with his wife, he was upset that she got to sleep with him.  Now, that he’s got all the time in the world, Steve is more than willing to admit that he is a gay vampire American.  Yup.  Jason tries to put him down gently, but Steve decides he wants a bite anyway.  Jessica busts into the house, claiming that Jason is hers and he needs to back off because she is practically the queen of Louisiana.  Guess she didn’t get that memo about Bill.  Michael McMillian deserves all the awards for his brilliantly delivered “I love you!” as he goes flying through the door.  This is the kind of campy fun that drew me to True Blood in the first place.

Jason has a later run-in with Hoyt, who still isn’t taking too kindly to the fact that Jason stole his girlfriend.  Jessica, that evening, decides to throw a party in true vampire queen fashion, like a sorority girl!  It’s an adolescent, hormone-charged rock band fest, and Jason wasn’t invited.  Which didn’t stop him from showing up anyway and then he and Jessica spend the entire time trying to make the other one jealous.  Knock it off, you two.  Figure it out soon, because I can’t live an entire season of scenes like the ones in this episode.  Personally, I’m kind of hoping that given the gang-rape of last season, and the problems with Hoyt, that Jason starts to wonder if women are the route of all his problems.

The Bellefleurs:

They didn’t do much.  Andy was with Holly.  They spent some time trying to create some sort of build-up between Terry and Scott Foley.  They seem to have a hang-up on fire, with something that happened with their squad in Iraq.  I’m really hoping for a Djinn here, guys, which was actually the first thing I thought of in terms of Middle Eastern supernatural beings associated with fire.  Of course, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually caused by something completely different.

Bill, Eric and Nora:

Ah, the vampires, the reason why we watch the show to begin with.  The opening sequence of the episode include an amusing bit of Eric cleaning up the mess from killing Nan Flanagan, in about 30 seconds.  Sookie needed to hire him to clean her kitchen after Tara and Debbie, considering it took her all night and most of the day to get close to the same level of clean.  Bill and Eric are over Sookie, and they need to get on the run from the Authority.  Unfortunately, they were too late to run, and they’re taken in custody.  They snuggle in the trunk of a car, and then they decide to explode the car.   The driver tries to kill them, but he is shot in the back by his partner, who immediately shares a passionate kiss with Eric amongst the flames.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Nora.  She’s technically Eric’s sister, having both been sired by Godric, and they’re going to be having sex later.  She is also the new apex of the love triangle involving Bill and Eric.  Just add that to the list of story lines that I’m getting sick of on this show.  I mean, I don’t mind love triangle per se.  But this is the second time we’ve had a love triangle with these two guys.  They need to just do each other at this point and get it over with.  Also, what is this trend of dark-haired British chicks names Nora?

They manage to make it to the rendezvous point safely, but the other vamps are quickly shot by a fat kid with a megaphone screaming “Respect my authoritaa!”  Actually, no, it’s just the vampire authority, once again attempting to capture Bill and Eric.  If they are destined for the true death like Nan informed them last season, why not just kill them then and there with the nameless vamps?  Because then we would have no love triangle this season.

The Wrap-Up:

Steve Newlin is supposed to be around a lot this season; I’m looking forward to what he’s going to be bringing us, especially now that he’s willing to admit his attraction to Jason.

No more Bill/Eric love triangles.  I didn’t like the first one, and this time all three components are dead.

Prom queen Jessica needs to go.  I’m really hoping that this is just a phase.  I love Jessica, but this is technically an adult show, and watching her go on a teenage power trip is embarrassing.  It was funny when she was reading Twilight last year.  Now it’s just on the pile of things that are annoying.

We might have a Djinn to look forward to.  I sincerely hope so.

Half-animal vampire Tara has got to be a step up from lesbian Tara.  Honestly.  I miss the Tara from season 1.

Alcide has yet to be shirtless.   HBO, fix this now please.

The only sex scene this episode was pointedly marked as incest.  This has been the year of incest.  From Game of Thrones, to Dexter, to Boardwalk Empire and now to True Blood.  This is quite enough, thank you.

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