True Blood Recap: Whatever I Am, You Made Me

You would think that since this week’s episode was so much better than last week’s that I would be able to get this recap up in a timely fashion.  Apparently, that was not the case.  I have noticed, however, that there seems to be some sort of connection with the number of nipples per episode and quality.  I think it has something to do with the more nipples they show, the less seriously they take themselves, making for a more enjoyable experience.  I’m still working on that theory.  The entire episode focuses on the bond between maker and baby-vampire.

The Vampire Authority

Bill and Eric are still under the control of the Authority, who seem to be seriously considering their Russell deal.  Oh, and as it turns out, Steve is the new Nan Flanagan, so I hope all the haters who complained he was only in there to have a stalker crush on Jason chew on that for a while.  And he’s apparently not going to be in the next couple of episodes, which disappoints me far more than it should.

Spunky vampire makes Bill and Eric strip off their shirts for our viewing pleasure… I mean, so she can put little stake harnesses on them.  Anybody figure out how those things actually work in practice yet?  I hope spunky vampire stays around for a while.  She’s “too cute to be goo.”

Meanwhile, the Authority is trying to figure out whether or not Bill and Eric can be trusted, so they deploy their secret weapon.  Salome’s vagina doubles as a lie detector.  No, really.  And then just so he doesn’t get lonely, she initiates a hook up with Roman Artichoke at the end as well, who’s been working out since his days at SVU.

Bad Moon Rising

The Pelts are looking for their daughter, and they think Alcide has something to do with it.  Luckily for Sookie, Andy is too busy worrying about how many people saw his butt to actually interrogate her properly.  She does confess to Alcide, however, that she put a bullet through his girlfriend’s brain, and it goes about as well as could be expected.

Fairies Everywhere

Jason runs into an old school teacher, and no one was surprised to learn that she had seduced him while he was still in school, thus setting him on his path of meaningless sex with women.  Really, did we need a psychological explanation for Jason’s behavior?  Wouldn’t it have been more fun to pretend he was possessed by some sort of sex demon?   He gets in a hissing contest with her cat Prince Charming, and it made me sad that they dropped the Werepanther storyline from the books.  Especially since we were still subjected to Crystal and her crazy.

Jessica gets a big whiff of Claude and immediately decides she needs to have sex, so of course she goes straight to Jason who tells her that she just can’t ride him like a mechanical bull.  Now’s not the time to be having an existentialist crisis, Jason.  I really hope this plotline is going somewhere other than the true love of Jessica can save him from his misery.

Vampire Babies

Tara is hungry, so she goes to Sam who gives her the bar’s entire stash of True Blood.  And it looks like everyone but Jessica is finally back at work.  Yay!  Not that he would ever go out of business since it’s the town’s only bar.  He locks Tara in the walk-in for the day, and when Sookie comes looking for her, he does his best to think about Sookie’s boobs instead.  In an old-school nostalgia moment, she asks him if she can give him a hug without him thinking about her boobs.  It makes me miss the Sookie and Sam from the early days.  Oh, and his inner-mantra should probably become the theme song of the show.  When Tara emerges that night, she gives them all a talking-down before she runs off again.  This time to a tanning bed that advises her to “Curl up and fry.”  Really, show, are we honestly going back to suicidal Tara after she’s already dead?  It’s probably the most overused plot line on the show after the love triangle.

Pam, looking fabulous as always, has another flashback to the time when she was turned.  There’s a great bit about the responsibilities of a maker and blah blah, all foreshadowing that she’s going to start take her job with Tara seriously.  I just wanted to see the awesome Pam and Eric sex they’re always talking about.  I feel like I’ve been denied critical information.  There was also a bit of a confrontation between Bill, Eric and Lorena that seemed rather unnecessary.  Oh, and Sookie uses her fairy powers to throw her across the bar.  Thank you, Sookie, for finally being able to take care of yourself.  Five years later.

Other Notable Moments

Jesus’ magic is back and making Lafayette pour bleach into the Gumbo.   That would certainly give people something to talk about.

Terry’s story has yet to go anywhere.  Hopefully next week we’ll get to see something more.  In case you haven’t guessed, I’m still hoping for a Djinn.

There was a bit with Hoyt in eyeliner.  No one cared.

Where has Russell been?  He needs to be back in fighting form soon.  We were also lacking Luna, but no one cares about that either.


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