True Blood Recap: Let’s Boot and Rally and Hopeless

Yes, I’m recapping two episodes of True Blood at once.  I made the conscious decision to do it this way after last week’s episode was so short and I had a chunk missing from my left index finger for part of last week.  So, it’s a twofer!

Russell is back, Hoyt is still being emo, the Fairies are very likely up to no good, vampire politics are back, and there was once again no sex.  On with the show!

Bad Moon Rising

After Alcide and Sookie’s make-out session from two weeks ago, Alcide carries her upstairs, and Joe demonstrates some moves he picked up working on Magic Mike.  Seriously, he whipped off his belt so fast, I nearly fainted.  Sookie, who is still drunk at this point, suddenly seems to realize she had too much to drink and throws up all over his shoes.  Before they can decide if that’s a good reason to stop, Eric and Bill stop them by creepily announcing their presence from where they’ve been watching in the doorway.  Hopefully this will put an end to all the inappropriate date-rape comments that have been floating around in discussion of the Alcide/Sookie hook-up.

Bill and Eric drag the two of them along on their hunting trip for Russell, but when they find him, things go predictably wrong.  Alcide gets in a tussle with another were, and comes back into the room shirtless.  Admittedly, that made it rather difficult to concentrate on what else was happening in the scene.  Eric shows his true colors when he glamors Alcide for the benefit of the Authority, and throws in a rather special little clause about not having romantic feelings for Sookie.  I guess it’s supposed to show his more human side by revealing his insecurities about the hunky werewolf Sookie was making out with.

Alcide wakes up the next morning in Sookie’s too small bed, and with her help remembers what he was supposed to forget.  Mainly that the other wolves are back on V.  He goes to confront the new packmaster, who doesn’t really care, and finds an ally in some girl named Rikki.  I’ll admit, I was slightly disappointed with this turn of events, as I was really hoping the girl who stood up beside him would have been Maria-Star.  I suppose that would have been too logical.

Burn, Baby, Burn

Terry and Patrick are still on the worst road trip ever.  The only other surviving army buddy was killed by the Ifrit, and now they’re running for their lives.  Most of their plot over the past two episodes involved Terry telling Patrick exactly what he thought about him and feeling guilty about listening to his orders in Iraq.  In a truly heart-breaking scene, he tells Arlene that even though she and the kids were the best thing to ever happen to him, he has to leave them for their safety.  Fix it.  Fix it now.

Respect My Authoritay!

Bill and Eric are on their mission to find Russell, and they enlist the help of Sookie and Alcide.  Well, more like they coerce them into doing it.  When they finally find him, wolves attack and Eric wants to kill Russell immediately.  Bill has other plans, however, that involve survival.  The Authority followed them anyway, and they have to glamor Sookie and Alcide so the Authority won’t kill their little helpers.   Except for poor Doug. Well, Alcide gets glamored in a homoerotic manner…

… Bill on the other hand has to fake glamor Sookie that results in a touching break-up scene.  He informs her that she deserves to live a life in the sun and that she should forget about him.  Which serves Eric’s purposes just well, since he also wants Alcide to forget that he has feelings for Sookie.  That doesn’t sound vaguely like a stalker at all.

Oenomaus kills a busload of people, literally, which makes me wonder if perhaps he is part of the Sanguinista movement.  They take Russell back to Authority headquarters where he is interrogated by Salome.  Honestly, I have to wonder how no one on the show seems to find her actions the least bit suspicious.  Eric goes to speak with Nora who seems to be having some sort of religious experience during Russell’s scheduled execution.  The execution, predictably, goes wrong and Russell stakes Roman Artichoke while everyone else stands around and watches.  Are they all part of the Movement?  Does no one care that the Guardian is being killed right in front of them?  Really?

Someone’s Killing Shifters

Sam  reports that his friends have been killed to Andy and confides to them that they are shifters.  Later, he and Luna are shot outside her house, and poor Emma shifts and runs away to grandma’s  house.  So, we had the return of the world’s cutest little were-puppy who still looks like a little itty-bitty husky.  Maybe she is a shifter.  Nothing says that a shifter can’t turn into something that a were can.  Maybe she just shifted into a wolf first because she was familiar with wolves from growing up with the pack.

Sam offers his services to Andy, and they go visit the guy who runs the hate crime store.  He gets scared when he sees Sam sniffing around and goes for the gun below the counter, but Sam gets him with a crossbow bolt before he can shoot.  Which means Andy has yet another murder he has to cover up.

Vampires Are People, Too

Tara is still getting used to the fact that she’s now a sexy vampire and she has to do everything Pam tells her to.  Jessica tries to give her some friendly vampire advice and seems to suggest that the two of them could be besties, but it doesn’t last long.  Jess freaks out when she hears Tara feeding on Hoyt, and a barfight breaks out.  Pam eventually breaks it up, and Hoyt accuses Jessica of still being in love with him.

Next time we see Hoyt, he’s slightly suicidal and getting dry-humped by what might be the greasiest vampire ever in existence.  Bon Temps’ latest version of organized crime shoots the vamp, recognizes Hoyt, and drags him into their van of evil.

Faerie Dust

Sookie is starting to realize that her life sucks.  Jason after having several disturbing dreams about his dead parents, swears to find the vampire that killed them and avenge them.  He and Sookie join forces, which, quite frankly, doesn’t happen nearly often enough, and together the two of them go to the Fairy Club to talk to Hadley about what she knows.

Jason gets hit on by a male fairy wearing his tie, which seems to make this the season of Jason getting hit on by men.  He and Sookie eventually run into Claude, and when Sookie remarks on how ugly he was two years ago, he handwaves it by saying fairies can look however they want.

I don’t care what people say: new Claude is adorable.

Sookie finds out the truth of her parents’ death and decides she doesn’t want to accept it by fairy zapping Claude.  A full-blood fairy.  In a fairy club.  With a handful of his sisters hanging around.  This was not exactly Sookie’s strongest moment.

Zombies and Witchcraft

Lafayette is in the middle of a nervous breakdown when he has a vision of Jesus’ head with the lips sewn shut.  Funny thing is, his mother had the same vision and decides she needs to talk to Lafayette about it, because Jesus is in trouble.  Now, this next part gets a little confusing, because of her pronunciation, I’m not entirely sure which Jesus she is talking about.  It was entertaining, nonetheless, but with Kevin Alejandro off the show, did we really need this storyline?

The Wrap-Up

Steve Newlin is back next week.  It’s about time.

Hopeless pretty much sums up my feelings on this show actually being able to surprise me anymore.

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