True Blood Recap: In the Beginning

This True Blood recap is exceptionally late this week.  My usual means for catching the episode were denied on Sunday, and I just found the time to watch it this morning.  The only good things worth mentioning in this episode were the return of Steve Newlin and Kevin Alejandro‘s return as something other than a head.  I’m thinking of renaming this show “All my favorite guest actors die.”

Respect My Authoritay

She’s in the middle of a bloody coup, and even Salome looks bored by this plotline.  Roman is now a pile of goo, Eric is pinned to the wall, and Salome is now in control of the Authority.  Or Russell is.  Better question, why didn’t Russell kill Eric when he had the chance?  Someone is in charge now.   The ladies try to turn Eric and Bill over to the dark side, and Russell asks the very question I did, why didn’t he kill Eric.  Why?  Because all is forgiven for no other reason than the plot demands it.  After all, its not just about Talbot.  Eric also fried him and buried him alive in cement.  Russel better have something juicy up his sleeve, or else that entire third season plot was a waste.

The new leaders try to convince the rest of the Authority to join their side.  The cool vampire desists, and Russell cuts off his head.  See, all my favorite guest actors die on this show.  All the other vampires, including Steve Newlin, agree to drink Lillith’s blood.  And they all get high.  Really, really high.  So, Eric gives Bill a piggy back ride, Steve and Russell are about to hook up for no other discernible reason than they’re high and the only gay vampires on the show (they shared a meal, it was kind of cute), and in one of the more disturbing scenes in the episode, they all eat a wedding party.  The bride, the bride’s parents, even the little kid, were all eaten.  On the plus side, that girl’s singing was atrocious, so it was probably good that Russell interrupted her.  Still, Bill and Eric will have a hard time redeeming themselves after this.  Lillith makes her appearance as a naked chick with all sorts of pointy bits and spews blood all over Nora.  And while the rest of them are hallucinating a naked chick (yes, that includes the gay vampires), Eric hallucinates a fully clothed Godric, who tells him he has to save Nora.

On the plus side, spunky vampire is still alive and kicking.

Bad Moon Rising

Alcide and Rikki “train” for the upcoming duel against JD.  Is that what kids are calling it these days?  The world’s cutest werepuppy is not impressed.

JD tries to give Emma V.  This pisses Martha off.  Of course he would have to do something to endanger her granddaughter, or else she wouldn’t start supporting Alcide and the plot would never move forward.

Love and Hate

Hoyt gets pulled into the hate group and says he’s never felt more welcome.  I don’t recognize any of these people.  Sam uses his super sniffer some more.  What used to be cute is getting old.  Sookie proves that this week’s episode is proudly sponsored by Sonic.  She and Sam have a heartfelt conversation about what it means to be normal, and I just had flashbacks to the X-Men movies.  And not the one with Michael Fassbender.

Jason Stackhouse, Law Enforcement

Sookie gets a fairy physical from Claude and one of his sisters.  She finds out that if she depletes her powers, she will no longer be Fey.  Were you listening, Sookie?  They never said anything about you being normal.  They said you would no longer be Fey.  Sounds to me like there’s a crucial difference.  In a beautiful moment of brotherly love, Jason makes Sookie breakfast in bed for lunch.  He then goes to check on Jessica, who’s feeding on some other dude’s thigh.  They kiss and Jason’s none too happy to discover Jessica’s been with someone else.  She tries to rip his throat out, he shoots her through the head.  Seriously, none of this even begins to make sense anymore.

Striptease

Tara has switched from bartending to stripping.  Pam watches with what may be pride, or it may be lust.   That’s still up for grabs.  I would just like to point out that that is a male stripper in the background.   Fangtasia is an equal opportunity bar.  Tara’s mother comes in to disown her, for what purpose we’ll probably never know.  Just to create drama, most likely, and Pam reminds Tara that she will live forever.  Tara’s been getting that lesson a lot recently.

Religion is Public Enemy Number One

I’m going to admit, Terry’s storyline is the only one I actually care about at the moment, for reasons I’ll go to in another post.  I may have teared up a little when Arlene was watching the wedding video.  Or that may have been because I was reminiscing about how good the show used to be.  Or it may have been Kevin Alejandro.

Meanwhile, Terry and Scott Foley are sitting around waiting for the Ifrit to kill them.  It shows up, laughs at them, and then just disappears.  Why, show, why?  You can’t just be showering us with questions and then refuse to answer any of them.  In what was called by some as the most racist statement on the show, Scott Foley told Terry that “Suicide is for Muslims.”  Which is one of my biggest problems with this season of True Blood.  Religion is the number one enemy on the show this season, not religious fanatics who, I don’t know, kill other people because they got high on ancient blood.

Bad Voodoo

Lafayette manages to get to Mexico in record time, but the entire thing is a trap by Don Bartolo who wants Jesus’ magic out of Lafayette into the body of his son.  Which doesn’t seem to be quite human with the way it’s trying to poke it’s way out of mommy’s stomach.  I had flashbacks to Alien.  And Carnosaur.  Anyway, she wants nothing to do with it and saves Lafayette.  Again, for no discernible reason.

In Closing

Absolutely nothing happened this episode.  No, really, because they decided every single last storyline had a place in this episode.  And half of them are almost impossible to care about for reasons I’ll explore later.  Meanwhile, Michael and Joe can only do so much to keep me interested.

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