Spartacus War of the Damned: Blood Brothers

War of the Damned Spartacus promo charactersThey are salting and preserving the bodies of the Romans because they might still prove to be useful.  Are all my dreams coming true?  Are they going to eat dead Romans?

Shortly after they entice viewers with possible future cannibalism, Agron again proves that in a lot of ways he’s still an emotionally constipated giant.  Agron, it’s not Nasir’s fault that he has a creepy stalker.  Honestly.  Not to mention, I don’t even get the point of the Nasir/Castus thing.  Castus flirted with him once and has now decided that he can’t live without him or something.  Marius, go sing your song about desire and despair to Castus, because there is a dude that gets it.  Agron and Enjolras can be emotionally stunted together.  Worst crossover ever.

Whatever.  Agron tells Spartacus that maybe instead of fighting with Crixus all the time, they should try talking to each other.  And his poor eyes are red-rimmed and you can tell he’s totally thinking about his own little scuffle with Nasir.  Agron, I’m sick of telling everyone else to listen to you, so this time I’m going to tell you to listen to your own advice.

On the other side of things, while people should start listening to Agron, they should stop listening to Kore.  Because it never turns out good for anyone.  Tiberius is now stuck in the follower’s camp, which probably stings a good deal, except he doesn’t seem to be aware about his surroundings because he’s been emotionally constipated by a little white stone.  The poor thing is still carrying around the stone that sentenced Tiberius to death, and he’s stuck with the men whose cowardice was responsible for the decimation in the first place.  Since later is a bad time to comment on Tiberius relationship with Sabinus, I’m going to mention it here.

Alot of viewers have either questioned his relationship status with Sabinus or have assumed there was nothing more than friendship because the show that thrives on explicitness has never even shown them kiss.  As to the first, there’s no way of knowing for sure what their relationship status was, and as to the second, viewers have been spoiled with the relationships between the slaves.   What people seem to be forgetting is that Tiberius and Sabinus are not slaves, they’re Romans.  Romans of high-status, if we want to assume that Sabinus is likely equal in status to Tiberius.  If he wasn’t, I don’t think Crassus would be letting him around nearly as much as he does.  You see, there’s this thing I like to call Roman sexual politics that absolutely dictated who you were allowed to sleep with as a man.  If you were on the receiving end of the relationship, so to speak, you were considered inferior, which really wouldn’t work for two men of equal age and status.  So, if there were feelings there, they would have been shoved down and choked on because if you were Roman you needed the backing of the other Romans.  Which you would not get if you were in an unsanctioned relationship.  Now, the other option is there might have been something going on earlier in their lives, but that would have been expected to end as soon as they became men.  We all know Tiberius is an emotionally constipated little brat, so it’s always possible he didn’t let go the way he should have.  Which would also explain the stink-eye his mother gave Sabinus in the first episode.

mademyselfsadCrixus also appears emotionally stunted this week when he shows up at Spartacus’ villa and demands Agron tell him why he’s not allowed over to play anymore.  Maybe because you’ve relimited your world view to you and Naevia, so that doesn’t exactly put you in a position of trust anymore.  Just putting that out there.

Meanwhile, Spartacus is on a boat with Saxa and Gannicus and some other people to take some grain from Crassus.  Sparatacus tells Gannicus he wants him to be in charge should he die.  Gannicus tells him he prefers drinking.  Saxa comes and gives Gannicus a smooch, and Spartacus smugly tells Gannicus he might find a reason closer to heart to take command.  Calling it now, Saxa is doomed.  Just when I was starting to really like her too.

Kore tries to give advice to Crassus again.  She really needs to stop, because it has never ended good for anyone.  Crassus also cries during sex, so she should just leave him and join the rebels anyway.  She’d be happier there.  She can learn from Agron how to give proper advice.  Then again, while she’s emotionally available, she gives bad advice, but the emotionally stunted Agron gives great advice.  What are you trying to say?

Spartacus, back in rebel city, decides to listen to my advice and release the Kraken.  I mean the Romans.  Which I suggested he should do when they were first trying to figure out what to do with their new toys.  Crixus complains they now know too much about Spartacus’ plans, which, of course, is what Spartacus planned all along.  He thinks he’s so smart, it’s adorable.  Unfortunately, he also has a tendency to make very poor life decisions, like trusting a group of pirates.

What Tiberius did to Kore was unacceptable.  His morality compass is dead, along with his only friend, and now he’s turning into all the other Romans.

Spartacus splits his troops in order to trap the Romans, which turns out to be a really bad idea because the Romans decided they had other plans.  Caesar, after ridding the world of Nemetes, goes to open the gate, except the gate was not completely unguarded.  Team Germania, the lovely Saxa, Agron and Donar were still there.  And the three of them are in the worst place at the worst possible time, as the majority of their forces are taking care of the problems on the docks while the majority of the Roman army is bearing down on our three Germans.  Two out of three are screwed.  Honestly, I would expect all three of them to be screwed with the situation they’re in, but promos for the show have shown at least one beyond this point.  And it’s not exactly like that one is going to be getting off easy, either.

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